I have two sons one 18 and one 10. My 18 year old is the responsible one, and he very considerate, helpful, clever, good grades and overall just no problem. My 10 year old is very energetic, sometimes acting out without thinking of the consequences, he’s what I call my “Spirited Child”. It has been a challenging process with him throughout the years. He’s been on his teachers radar for many years. Oh the stories I have of him….time when he gave a friend a haircut at school, to the time he ran around his class with no pants on, and to the time when he locked up someone in the bathroom.
There’s a bit more, but these are a few I remember at the top of my head. Luckily, he has grown out of those type of behaviours!! Now we are working with him on his grades and his responsibility skills, and let me say this is no easy task. His behaviour at school took a turn about mid January and the only thing that changed then was that I started picking up and helping his classmate, whose Mom is a single mother. I was a single mother for many years and saw the opportunity to help another Mom in need and volunteered to help.
It was great at the beginning and my son was really enjoying having a friend over, and the whole family was bonding with his friend. So a month later we started treating him like our own son, and looking back this was when the behaviour or my youngest son changed. He started getting disciplinary issues at school and it wouldn’t stop even after getting grounded, or having video games taken away. We even had to separate my youngest and his friend all together in different rooms. This went on for another month, and things still were the same, nothing was changing. Finally I made a drastic decision to have his friend stop coming for a week, just so we can isolate my little one and see what really was happening.
I talked to my youngest one on one privately and expressed to him that his behavior was getting out of hand and we informed him that something was obviously bothering him. He didn’t know at first, so I gave him time to think about his feelings and to tell me what was wrong or bothering him. This is what we discovered after talking to him. Came to the conclusion that he felt like he was losing his identity with having his friend over. He felt like we loved his friend more, and he felt like he was left out. We informed him that was not true and reassured him that he was our main love and priority. Hearing this from him was very emotional for all of us. Hearing his words, feelings and the strength to talk about it took courage. He trusted us with his vulnerability, because he knew he was being heard in a loving space. With tears, hugs and words of reassurance we were able to talk through a difficult process and have our son be in a more happier and positive space. Since that talk his behaviour has changed drastically for the better both at school and at home, he’s more responsible, and more confident on using his own voice and his grades are getting better. At the end of the day I realize that God uses the people closest to you to teach you and guide you as well as to challenge you. My youngest son has been my greatest teacher. He has taught me patience, love, and the ability to always look at things in different perspective.
Until Next time Dream Catchers!
As Always Remember to Be Kind to Yourself and to Be Kind to One Another!!